Cats Who Teleport

I am convinced that cats can indeed teleport. My cats can get through locked doors with the door remaining closed. Sometimes they run down a hallway only to appear in another room seconds later. I do not know how or why they able to do this, but I have a question for these feline tricksters----How about feeding yourself. Better yet, get a job. A real job with real pay. You stick your nose up a cheaper cat food and if it costs as much as prime rib you will act like I never fed you before. How about using those teleporting skills at a bank- you know become a real “cat burglar.” Why is it that your fantastic skills for escape work the best at three in the morning when I find you purring in my face and tickling it with your whiskers?

If you can walk through walls why do you wait to go to the bathroom only after you come inside? Why do you wait to leave a present in the clay chip box? Can’t you just teleport to some nice quiet spot in the woods?

Is there a book of cat superpower rules? Who wrote that book? A cat I suppose. I am sure that locked within the pages of that diabolical book are instructions to cry to get in and out of the backdoor as many times as you can in a fifteen minute period. Teleport for God’s sake, I won’t look. Who would I tell anyway? They’d have me locked up.

I know you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth, but your cat code of conduct forbids you from acknowledging this fact. I am sure that as I am typing this you have some mini cat computer blogging about your aggravating humans. One last message to my two feline comrads- the bathtub is not the world’s largest most elegant litter box, so stop using it!!!